Look at me go! I said I probably wouldn't blog before New Years even!! I am on top of things!
So, the reason for my post today..
A fantastic friend, who I like to call the RM Date Dr., called me today, it was an awesome Christmas present :)
So, RM Date Dr. told me a story, that made me laugh pretty hard... and I'm still laughing..
I need to share this with you all! He has the best stories..
it's called
You Suck
"First date. Christmas time. Old high school friend. The night started off as planned. My date and I decorated gingerbread houses with one of my buddies and his date. We turned it into a competition, which we won, but that my friend is irrelevant. Signs of interest began to surface with a flirtatious punch on the arm here, or a half hug for the picture there, or the old fashion eye contact. By ten o’clock I had not only realized that we had made the best gingerbread house, but also that I may be getting a little treat myself by the end of the night. We began to watch a movie on the trampoline and the classic/awkward middle school holding hands thing happened... You all know what I am talking about, The you-put-your-hand-down-by-your-side-and-if-the-girl-puts-her-hand-by-her-side-too-you're-good-to-go. Sure enough I tossed out the line and she bit... Time to reel her in!
Nothing wrong with a little friendly cuddling on a first date right? I mean after all its December and cold outside. Well my buddy and his date took off and me and the lady friend were left alone. We continued to cuddle and the epic moment came. It was time for our first kiss. The first kiss in the dating world is huge. You can learn so much about a person by this small gesture. Its been said that the first kiss does tell it all for a woman. I mean we have all seen the movie Hitch don’t act like you don’t know what I am talking about. I think that the first kiss is huge for guys too. After building up the courage I decided to go for it. The first kiss was great! Then it went downhill... I have heard a synonym for making out called suck face. Sadly enough that is what she began to do! Suck my face, my tongue, my lips and my teeth. Not nice and pleasant, but more like a Hoover vacuum. The Hoover Wind Tunnel 500 to be exact (don’t ask questions.- Lets just say in middle school you get dared to do some pretty interesting things.)
It was very intense! She is going to dental hygiene school so the thought that maybe she was just trying to clean my mouth crossed my mind, but wouldn’t that be malpractice? A fun side note: because of the intense sucking going on, a weird fart sounding noise would happen, which I without fail always giggled at.
So what is a guy to do in this situation? Ask her what the freak she is doing? Stop immediately? Try to Hoover Wind Tunnel 500 her back?
Luckily it was late and we called it a night. Also a plus is that I didn’t get a bruised fat lip that would be hard to explain to the friends and family the next day. Another answer to my prayer is that she is going to school in Utah and leaves within a week to go back. However, as I went to bed that night I laid awake thinking of things that I would have rather done then get some from this household cleaning appliance lady (she really could probably be a sales rep for Hoover Vacuums). This is the list of ten things I would have rather done then kiss this girl on the first date sucky situation (pun intended). I hope you enjoy!
1. I would rather dive into the shallow end of the pool.
2. I would rather get eaten alive by a Parana.
3. I would rather stick a fork in an outlet.
4. I would rather eat a light bulb.
5. I would rather get sprayed in the eye with PAM.
6. I would rather get hit in the head by a baseball bat....10 times!
7. I would rather have a baby pee on my face.
8. I would rather give a talk in General Conference.
9. I would rather get both of my legs amputated.
10. I would rather eat a truck drivers scab.
So what is a guy to do in this situation? Ask her what the freak she is doing? Stop immediately? Try to Hoover Wind Tunnel 500 her back?
Luckily it was late and we called it a night. Also a plus is that I didn’t get a bruised fat lip that would be hard to explain to the friends and family the next day. Another answer to my prayer is that she is going to school in Utah and leaves within a week to go back. However, as I went to bed that night I laid awake thinking of things that I would have rather done then get some from this household cleaning appliance lady (she really could probably be a sales rep for Hoover Vacuums). This is the list of ten things I would have rather done then kiss this girl on the first date sucky situation (pun intended). I hope you enjoy!
1. I would rather dive into the shallow end of the pool.
2. I would rather get eaten alive by a Parana.
3. I would rather stick a fork in an outlet.
4. I would rather eat a light bulb.
5. I would rather get sprayed in the eye with PAM.
6. I would rather get hit in the head by a baseball bat....10 times!
7. I would rather have a baby pee on my face.
8. I would rather give a talk in General Conference.
9. I would rather get both of my legs amputated.
10. I would rather eat a truck drivers scab.
haha ok that was the story.. and i'm pretty sure if I added anything else to it, I'd ruin the hilarity! Poor RM Date Dr. haha
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